Dr. M: Day 22-- A manga you wish didn’t exist

This might be some sort of anthropomorphous furry-yaoi. 

I'll just refer you to my earlier review of Mr. Tiger and Mr. Wolf which was a So-bad Sunday! post.

Make sure to read the comments because Marfisa makes a very good observation about a point I missed--there is a "hypodermic needle-wielding hunting dog"  in this two-part (why? wasn't one possible furry-yaoi enough?) series, and I didn't even mention it. In my defense, I was very busy trying to decide on a sensible answer to this question: "Was that wolf seriously going to abscond with and marry a tabby cat?" 

So Bad Sunday - A Fallen Saint's Kiss - You Higashino

Merry Christmas! Dear Readers, even this happy holiday won't keep me from delivering today's So-Bad Sunday. Today's offering A Fallen Saint's Kiss is just straight up hentai. Hey, Pron, we have to stop meeting like this! I'd really like a So-Bad Sunday that was bad because the plot was amazingly terrible, but I just keep encountering books of such smutty proportions (even when I'm not seeking them out).

This is a rare instance where you won't see any images from this comic on our blog because, frankly, it's too graphic. I thought there was a prohibition in Japan against displaying um, to put it nicely, parts, in comics, but this one has them in spades. Ha, ha, parts...

Anyway, much like any quality pron, this comic book really doesn't have a plot. Mr. Okano, an uptight Social Studies teacher is dominated by Tokiwaa in increasingly humiliating and violent ways. A sadist falls in love with a fellow student but that doesn't cap his cruelty -- apparently, it's true romance to tell someone if they ever leave you you will kill them. And in a third tale, a student, convinced his teacher is gay, bullies him obsessively by committing a series of harassing acts bordering on hate crimes. One day the teacher, takes the student aside and is like: yup, you got me, I'm gay. BTW, I'm going to rape you. And, the student is like: oh, wow, this is horrible. But, then, he realizes he kind of likes it, and they fall in love.

I know that there are folks out there that really like this stuff. I know it. Man, on an off day, maybe I could like it...um, no, actually that's not true. I don't have a problem with sub-dom relationships; I don't have a problem with pron. I don't really have a problem with this book (Okay, well, maybe with the last story in which the protagonist gay bashed and in which the gay character pretty much embodied every gay evil-doer stereotype ever). I really just didn't like it.

And, that is that.

So-Bad Sunday! Shocking Pink! (manga)

What? Shakespeare added this shockingly censored image!

Title: Shocking Pink!
Author/Illustrator: Yasuiriosuke (I'd use a psuedonym too!)
Publisher: Project-H
Rating: HOLY NO! XXX? Do they still have that. NC-Nobody!

Okay, first of all I cannot, Dear Readers, post any images from Shocking Pink! And even if I could, I don't know as I would post any, because it's gross. And, um, the plot is...um, uh? Well, the plot says  it is based on the Chinese Story of the Three Kings. Sure, just the way Dragonball is based on Journey to the West...as in, not at all except for some names. This thing is a chaotic mess and a royal (there's a pun there) hump-fest. I can't follow much of anything except that a crazy woman with very large breasts is convinced that she is the reincarnation of Lui Bei, founder of the Han Dynasty. She shows up randomly the doorstep of the main character, Takyaaki Morkuzu, because she believes that this high-school student is the reincarnation of her "tactitian," Koumai Shokatzu (their names are spelled the same in Kanji). He calls her a nut, and she humps him into submission. Then things get really confusing. Two other reincarnated kings join Lui Bei and they share their goal for world domination, which consists of getting knocked up. Also the neighbor girl is in love with Takyaaki and peeps on him before offering to become his love slave.

Then there's a wrestling match with the neighbor's one-eyed, bad-ass older sister, and that turns into some crazy orgy thing, and then...the end? I feel dumber just for having read this. I also feel dirty and gross. How can something so porny be so decidedly unsexy? Maybe that takes talent, but I'm really not interested in figuring it out.

So, in review I have three things to say about Shocking Pink!: too many juices, what the hell just happened, and the Japanese have some sort of crazy eye-patch fetish that still confuses me. In summation, no, because it isn't even good porn.

Makoto Tateno Double Feature-- How to Capture a Martini and How to Control a Sidecar (manga)

I couldn't sleep last night, so I read some brand spanky new manga from DMP. Makoto Tateno, author of me-favorites (like fan-favorites, only more self-centered) Hero Heel and Yellow (and the less than stellar Fu Shin Ga: For Love or Money) has come out with two related manga centering around bartenders. I have a strong suspicion that Tateno really likes bar-culture and cocktails. Every single one of her manga has something to do with drinking. These two offerings center on the bartenders working at the upscale bar Maria Elena.  The first volume How to Capture a Martini is pretty standard fare for her in some ways. I always appreciate that she deals with more mature characters and themes. The main characters in Martini were former lovers in high-school who parted ways suddenly when the eldest of the two, Shinobu, graduated. Naoyuki, the one left behind without even a word, has held a torch for him ever sense. So, when the two bump into each other (while Naoyuki is with his current girlfriend) at Maria Elena, Naoyuki is shocked and pleased at first, until Shinobu refuses to give him an explanation and pushes him away harshly.



Makoto Tateno likes to write about drinking!

 Martini uses the martini (actual drink) as an overarching metaphor for the relationship between the two. The first cocktail Naoyuki ever has, made by Shinobu of course, is a martini. As Naoyuki explains, he expected it to be sweeter, but found it "much harsher and drier than I expected." The sentiment is a clear reflection of Naoyuki on Shinobu's character. He has been turned off by cocktails ever since, and yet, he forces himself into a position at Maria Elena to be near Shinobu again. It turns out that the martini Shinobu made all those years ago was intentionally extra-dry, something he knew Naoyuki would not like in order to push him away. Shinobu spends a lot of time pushing Naoyuki away, and indulging himself in a string of meaningless relationships. Ultimately, though, Naoyuki realizes that Shinobu's tactics hide his true feelings for Naoyuki. He begins to realize that the reason Shinobu ran from their relationship so many years ago was because he was scared.

Afraid of the pressure of a relationship and what Shinobu sees as inevitable heartbreak, he decides to abandon the relationship before he is destroyed. Happily the two, due to the sort of bizzare coincidences and intrigues that ONLY exist in manga, reunite and devote themselves to the love they abandoned so long ago.

Overall, it wasn't a bad manga, it was a little heavy-handed at times, but it didn't shy away from the kinds of mature issues that Tateno tends towards. The only thing I didn't like was the odd side-stories. They were weird, and incestuous, and fetishistic in a way that was fairly creepy. This should have been a sign. The sign should have read: JUST STOP HERE, DR. M!! But, I didn't stop there, did I, Dear Readers? No. I decided to read the second story.

I assumed, incorrectly, that How to Control a Sidecar would be a little bit of fun and minor angst from some of the other bartenders at Maria Elena. This time straight, super-star bartender Kousaka was in the spotlight. He was only a minor character foil to Shinobu in Martini, and seemed pretty standoffish and disinterested in that volume. It turns out that he's not so much standoffish as ridiculously oblivious to the kind of bar he works in. He fails to realize that about 90% of Maria Elena's clientele is gay. Even his co-workers find this oversight shockingly unobservant. It seems lighthearted at first; a clueless character getting hit on by all sorts of men without realizing the implications of their conversations. However, Dear Readers, it is NOT NOT NOT NOT NOT that kind of manga.

This is horrifically graphic stuff, not light hearted at all. And it includes a graphic depiction of extremely non-consensual sex which although treated seriously spins into something I am entirely uncomfortable with. Kousaka is attacked, beaten and raped by a customer, and to my distaste, not only forgives his attacker, but becomes involved in his life. NOT COOL! NOT COOL! NOT COOL! Kousaka isn't just oblivious, he's an idiot. He decides to "forget" it happened. AND he eventually falls in love with the man who raped him. Everything ends happily ever after...except that he was raped and beaten. I don't even know what to say about this except...every part of me objects to this story line. Traditionally Tateno deals with some dark themes, and some complications that seem troubling, but this crosses a line for me. Dr. M disapproves.

So, by all means, read How to Capture a Martini. It didn't blow my hair back in a manga-esque wind scene, but it does have some interesting moments. Avoid the creepy side stories in it though, you'll thank me when you have avoided reading about an incestuous relationship involving cat cosplay. And be seriously cautious about How to Make a Sidecar. Neither of these manga are appropriate for readers under 17, and I don't think How to Control a Sidecar is appropriate for any audience. YOU HAVE BEEN WARNED!

So-Bad Sunday! All Nippon Air Line (manga)

Oh, hohoho! All Nippon Air Line...I see what you did there A.N.A.L.!

Dear Kei Azumaya,

Your manga nearly made me cry. No, not in a good way.

Could you please advise me on your publication process and experience, because, quite honestly, if this made its way not only into publication, but translation as well, then I'm pretty sure I could make it big on the manga scene with very little effort, zero plot and no discernible story line.

What disturbs me the most about your work, though, is not the stupid punny title (A.N.A.L.), or the blatant stereotyping of gay men as sex-hungry droids only interested in looks, money or satisfaction, or even the very obvious lack of any cohesive story line or characterization...what got me was this: for something entitled A.N.A.L. there was zero graphic sex. Not that I wanted to see it, mind you. In fact, I more than half-appreciate its absence, but I still find the lack of graphic sex rather disturbing. Had this manga been nothing more than scene after scene of porn quality plot and writing coupled with some graphic artwork, then I'd be all..."Okay, not my thing, but whatever. It's just porn," and then I'd move on to something else, hardly having noticed anything at all. But it didn't even have that...so I found myself wondering, "Self, what IS this?"

Thankfully, because I am clever, I was able to come up with an answer...IT IS BAD!

Very, very bad.

Seriously, did you get paid for this?
Dr. M

So-Bad Sunday! Mr. Tiger and Mr. Wolf--Manga

That's Mr. Wolf. He looks like a people.

This yaoi manga by writer and illustrator Ahiru Haruno is about a wolf, named Mr. Wolf (inventive!). Mr. Wolf is hunting one day in the woods when he comes across what he believes is a tabby cat. For reasons that are disturbing, unrealistic and extremely random-seeming, Mr. Wolf decides to take said tabby cat home and make it his wife. The next day Mr. Wolf goes hunting again and returns to discover that the tabby cat is now a full-grown tiger-man named, appropriately, Mr. Tiger. Mr. Tiger is in love with Mr. Wolf and the two have foxy times together where, in an unforeseen role reversal, Mr. Tiger takes "charge" and makes Mr. Wolf  his wife (in this manga wifelihood seems to be contingent upon who is on top during the gettin-it-on).

I would now like to outline my reading experience and follow it with some pertinent questions.

Reading Experience:
1. I am confused for the first 40 pages.
2. I am disturbed for the next 60 page.
3. I am again confused for about 20 pages.
4. Finally, I decide that the manga is actually stupider than even I first believed and put it down.

Pertinent Questions:
1. If a writer sets up a premise (no matter how stupid) shouldn't one follow it through? For example, if the tigers, wolves, dogs, whathaveyous that occupy this fictional space are anthropomorphized to the point of wearing clothing, having houses, etc. then, at what point does it seem normal to have actual humans hunting, capturing and desiring the pelts of said anthropomorphic, clothing wearing animeaux (French, ooh-la-la)?
2. Was that wolf seriously going to abscond with and marry a tabby cat?
3. There was a lot of discussion of animal life spans in this manga, and although I do feel that it would be disconcerting to lose one's "wife" at a young age (apparently the only realistic aspect in this manga the actual life spans of wolves and tigers), should it be a central plot point? It is decidedly NOT sexy to discuss the 7 year life span of wolves mid-coitus.
4. Are tigers clumsy? I had not realized that was a thing. I expect it may be a stereotype. People are so speciesist!
5. At one point the Tiger's brother, also conveniently named Mr. Tiger (Really? Really, really? Couldn't come up with one name? Just, Mr.Tiger this, Mr. Wolf that?), is rescued from hunters by an anthropomorphic dog who proceeds to hump Mr. Tiger (brother of Mr. Tiger, and therefore not to be confused with Mr. Tiger) silly, in a dubiously consensual fashion. My question is, how big is that dog? And, a follow up: could a dog hump a tiger silly?
6. Why are there two volumes of this manga? Isn't one crappy volume really enough? Is the story so epic that it must have a sequel?
7. Is this secretly some furry-fetish thing? Did I just read furry yaoi? Why would that be a thing?

I am so puzzled on so many fronts, and yet...I don't want to look at it again to find the answers. I think I'll just let this one go.

You know you want some of this tabby cat action!
Apologies to Jim Davis, creator of Garfield.
The writers of this blog DO NOT condone any humping of cats, wolves or cats who may be tigers.
Or any animal. Don't hump animals.
Love, Squeefinity
P.S.  Furries are gross.

So-Bad Sunday! Dororon Enma-Kun (Anime Series)

The title of Dororon Enma-Kun has been handily translated into the following Engrish equivalent--BAMF, It's Enma! Admittedly in electing to watch episode one of this series, I half knew what I was getting into...some fairly bad crap. Little did I know, Dear Reader, how deep the crap was. So deep. Such deep crap. Mind-boggling depths of crap!

Some of this depth can be seen in the trailer. Unfortunately the trailer has not been subbed into English, but I'd like to think you don't need to understand the language when the stupidity is wordlessly obvious.

The series begins in a bathhouse where shirtless elderly "Granny Gossip," sporting strange face paint and a beret that says "God" on it, begins swinging her pendulous boobs like propellers in order to warn main character Harumi that there are demons at the appropriately named Youkai Elementary school (youkai are demons). These demons, it turns out, will steal your face. Okay, the propeller boobs was a bit much, but face stealing demons are part of Japanese folklore tradition, so I start to think, maybe this is just a bit weird and spastic, and not bad at all. I am wrong. I am often wrong.

Expectedly, Harumi fails to heed the warning of geriatric tit-augerer Granny Gossip, and enters the school with a few exceptionally irritating friends. Their faces are stolen. I'm shocked. Harumi nearly drowns in the school pool while running from the now-faceless bodies of her friends and is rescued by a kappa (a kappa is a turtley, frogish, monk-haired, pervert demon and is a very traditional presence in Japanese demon stories). The kappa, named Kappa (inventive!) leads Harumi to the school basement where the nephew of the Great King Enma (also named Enma) has built the Hell House, doorway to hell. The magically naked Princess Yukiko invites them in and a talking hat named Grandpa Chappeau leads the "stray human" to Enma.

Then, things get weirdly pervy for a minute or two during a weirdly random discussion of panties that makes no sense. I am at a loss. I have no idea what is going on, and the small amount of knowledge of Japanese folklore that I have is only making it more difficult to understand. King Enma IS the king of hell, right? So, wtf is going on? I don't know. And every character in this anime is on a level of annoyingly hyper that has destroyed any reference point I have for such things. SO ANNOYING! Argh!

The group decides to round up the bad demons as part of a Demon Patrol. Hooray, a plot? They decide to use Harumi as bait, but (get this!) everyone falls asleep while waiting for the Face Stealer to attack. And our heroine almost pees herself when the demon comes for her. Really. There's a huge monologue about having to pee, during which her face is stolen. I shake my head at this.

Finally Enma wakes up and there's a battle with the monster, one involving, of all things, Dick SWORDS! Hooray, Enma breaks the monster's dick off. How do I know this happens? Well, they show it, AND the monster says, and I quote, "Oh, No! My dick broke!"

This, Dear Readers, is the moment I turned the anime off. Sometimes, as the great Kenny Rogers (another face stealing demon? Perhaps! You decide!)said, you have to know when to walk away (silently shaking your head in confusion).

So-Bad Sunday! Yaoi Hentai (manga)

First, this is the worst manga I've ever read, and it causes me deep, personal shame to own it. Second, no, I'm not going to talk about it in detail because it is disgusting. Third, there is no way I am posting scans from it. So, just trust me on the horribleness of it, please.

Yaoi Hentai  is a collection of four stories by different artists/writers that center on...horribleness?  It's yaoi, which is male/male, and it is hentai, which is porn--and I bought it for three reasons: because I might be a little bit of a pervert, it was cheap, and it was wrapped in plastic wrap. Had it not been wrapped in plastic I might have been able to judge the horror of it, and would never have purchased it. Of course, had it not been wrapped in plastic with the words "ABSOLUTELY NOT FOR CHILDREN" in all red caps on the cover, then children would have absolutely looked at it. I mean, I would have. And it would have scarred them for life. The big words on the cover should have read "ABSOLUTELY NOT FOR ANYONE," but then who would have bought it? Me, most likely. I have so much shame.

The four stories contained in this cheaply bound, and poorly translated manga, are each rather horrible in their own right, but collectively they are astonishingly awful.

Story one is about a student who "works" for an A for their art teacher. It illustrates some rather unsafe uses of paint, and skeeves me out to no end.

Story two is a charming buildungsroman (coming of age story) about a soccer player being gang raped by his teammates and a group of well-endowed sumo wrestlers.

Story three is about a group of jerks who DP ( I cannot believe I just wrote DP) what at first seems like an innocent high-school student. The student (surprise) turns out (what a twist!) to be a demon who turns the tables on his attackers in a fairly sadistic way. So, it's a morality tale?

Story four is tentacle porn. That's right...TENTACLE PORN! And I have just posted about tentacle porn on this blog. Who doesn't like a good tentacle porn story? Me, for one. I don't like it. No thank you, cephalapodic aliens with phallic appendages, I'm just not a fan.

In summation: BAD! BAD! BAD! GROSS! AWFUL! UNSANITARY! Kill it with fire!
The last one, "Kill it with fire!" is something I will ultimately have to do with this manga, because there is no way I am just throwing this in the trash where some innocent person could stumble across it (becoming scarred for life)...that would be bad karma.

So-Bad Sunday! Ramen Ikaga?!(Prince of Ramen)-Manga

Ordinary high-school student and "The School's First Ranked Bishonen," Shirafugi Sumire, likes ramen. That's not odd. I freaking love ramen. I prefer good ramen (real imported ramen that is not 5/$1), but I'm not one to put on airs, I'll eat poverty-ramen and I'll like it. So, a reliance on ramen as plot-device doesn't really make this a manga deserving of So-Bad Sunday! status. In fact, I don't really know that Ramen Ikaga?! is a bad manga...it's just a little stranger than most things I read. Nah...nah, it's bad. Bad and goofy and random and just..."really?" We'll get to the story soon, I promise, but first I want to talk about ramen some more.

Here's my favorite kind:


Ooooh, so tasty. The price above is for a case of it--$17.95 for one packet would be almost as ridiculous as the plot of Ramen Ikaga?! Even with the good ramen (or udon) you have to doctor it up--I suggest green onions, a little carrot, some thin sliced celery, a can of those little salad shrimp and maybe even an egg. Freaking awesome! Sooo spicy good! But my favorite thing about the Nong Shim Neoguri Spicy Seafood Udon Type Noodle is that I have never had to marry an extraterrestrial pervert as a result of making it.

Sumire is waiting for his Prince!

Ramen Ikaga?! begins with Sumire making ramen, the instant he pours hot water in the bowl he discovers that things are not what they appear to be. The bowl itself is actually the spaceship of the Second Crown Prince of Cup Ramen, Kanmen (his name actually means "dried noodle"...eyeroll), who hails from the planet of Cup Ramen on the far side of the Andromeda Galaxy. When Sumire adds water to his ramen he unwittingly proposed to Kanmen according to their planet's customs. The men on Cup Ramen are actually miniature and only grow to human size when their partner pours water on them, intending to "couple" (their words, not mine). Sumire refuses, but Kanmen is pretty persistant (despite the fact that he already has an arranged marriage back on planet Cup Ramen), and the  miniature Prince Charming harasses Sumire by flying around in his ramen space ship and wooing him in all sorts of "comical" ways.

I think it's trying too hard. There are "panda bombs" and a dominatrix disguised as a "dangerous infirmary sensei" (I think they mean school nurse...to top off the weirdness, the translation is pretty bad as well), boy/boy one-sided love obsessions, and then it gets, surprisingly, weirder. There's another prince from planet Spagettina (named, appropriately, Carbonara, and whose spaceship is a giant floating version of Michaelangelo's David) who wants Sumire for his own, and uses an impossible to defeat fighting style called "al dente" to steal Sumire from Kanmen whle they're on a date and the amusement park, and later Kanmen is snatched by his fiance Princess Rainmen, a uber-cute yandere (""sweet outside-crazy inside") girly-girl weilding a mace....and then there's body-switching, and everybody (EVERYBODY) falls in love with boring Sumire...aargh! This shit is just stupid. I mean, okay, okay, "look at the imagination!" I guess?  Here's my question: how dumb is too dumb? I mean, I would give a little lea-way if this were for kids, but it isn't. It's yaoi, and it's a little pervy at points. I just cannot imagine what was going through a publisher's head when they thought, "You know what? This is brilliant." It isn't. It isn't brilliant, and no amount of puns or quirky tongue-in-cheekness is going to save this manga from being anything except bad.

Despite that, I'm kind of glad I read it, because it is the kind of thing that makes and impression. Not a good impression, mind you, but an impression nonetheless. So, Dear Readers, Ramen Ikaga?! deserves a place on Squeefinity's So-Bad Sunday! list. Man, is it bad. Just...phenomenally bad.

Squeefinity: So-Bad Sunday! -- Almost Crying (Manga)

First, Dear Readers, welcome to this historic occasion. Ms. Shakespeare and I have been discussing the blog and have decided that we need some "days." These "days" will be something to both motivate us towards regular updates, and to create some structure to our rambling reviews (delicious though they may be). You have stumbled on the first of these "days," which shall henceforth be known throughout the land as "SO-BAD SUNDAY!"

So-Bad Sunday! reviews will be the worst of the worst in anime and manga, as decided upon by your hostesses. My very first offering for So-Bad Sunday! is Mako Takahashi's Almost Crying. A yaoi (boy/boy) manga with such stunningly (barfy) cutesy artwork that it makes me feel like...well, it makes me feel gross. Exceedingly gross. Why? Well, friends, I'll show you.



Nothing wrong with that video, right? I mean other than the crappy music. Maybe it looks a bit "precious," but it's about kids, right? NO! It's not about kids. The manga itself is a collection of eight short vignettes about first loves, and all of them have the same chibi (adorable cute) illustrations...regardless of the content. Do you see where I'm going with this, Dear Readers? Yes, there. This is rated 16+ for young adults because it contains sex. Sex. And ALL the characters look like six year olds, regardless of their age. The back cover says "Artwork so cuddly cute-looking you'd wanna take these boys home to start a harem!" No, back cover, I don't even want to own this, because it is gross! I feel like in order to appreciate this manga, and the mediocre/inappropriate stories it contains, I will first need to grow a 1970s pedi-stache. This manga would be sort of skeevy anyway, even without the disturbing art, because it contains some incest, some human/merman sex, and some weird twin-swapping story. None of the stories make sense, all of them are absurdly simplistic despite their creepiness, and well...in general, this is bad, bad stuff. DO NOT WANT!

In a related note, in honor of So-Bad Sunday!, I would like to offer up a contest to you, Dear Readers. If you are the first person to make a recommendation for a review on our blog (just post it in the comments), I will send you your very own free copy of Almost Crying. I know, I know. How can I be so generous? Well, I'm just a giving person. So, recommend away! And you can read this horribly uncomfortable manga in the comfort of your own home (and get it out of mine).

---

Be on the lookout for the very first Ta-Ta Tuesday post in a few days. Ta-Ta Tuesdays will honor all things booblicious about anime and manga. There are a lot of large breasts in anime and manga--why not celebrate/lament that fact with a weekly post about the most boobtastic manga and anime we can find. Hooray for boobies!

Day 25 - Best Anime Villian: Dr. Muraki Kazutaka from Yami No Matsui (Descendants of Darkness)

”Best?” Yes. He is vicious. He’s also creepily calm and intense. I don’t like it. He is so creepy that Ms. Shakespeare and I have been known to quote him just to skeeve the other one out. Ms. Shakespeare, "do you remember our sensuous night beneath the cherry trees?" Mwahahah! Dr. Muraki is the best anime villain in that he is irredeemably evil, overtly predatory and still somehow charismatic and beautiful. So evil! SO EVIL!! Is he human? Is he demon? No one knows. He seems to have no motivation beyond just being evil (and attracted to our hero Asato Tsuzuki)...EVIL! Like a pretty, pretty snake who will tie you up and make sexually suggestive remarks before biting you.



A close second is Light Yagumi of Death Note (yet another Shigigami or Soul Reaper drama) he is irredeemably awful, and the lead character. I like the way Death Note sets up Light as the protagonist only to allow viewers to watch him fall further and further from his first purpose into a narcissistic villain who destroys pretty much everything he once believed in. He’s truly horrible, but he doesn't quite have the creep factor of Dr. Muraki. So despite playing God, betraying everyone he knows, and stacking up one hell of a body count, he gets bumped to number two.



I need to do a Death Note post soon. It is a pretty messed-up series.

Day 20 - Favorite Dubbed Anime: Dubbed, who cares, Subbed: Gravitation (Remix: Hong Kong Rip-off)

I listen to a lot of dubbed anime, so I am going to modify this catagory so that I might talk a bit about bad subtitles. Bad subtitles are...bad. But, they are also really, really funny.

When I bought my copy of Gravitation, I got it for the cheaps. Little did I know that there was a reason for the bargain basement price of my copy of the series. I may, or may not, have accidentally purchased (no one sue me for this) a Hong Kong rip-off of the series. I was not aware of this until I watched it. I knew the series pretty well at this point, because Ms. Shakespeare and I had watched it together on several occasions. My copy was not like her copy. Her copy had...um...what's the opposite of word vomit?

For example:

This screen capture should read, "You want a reason, maybe you're a lousy lay?"

It does not say this. It just says "Poor Sex Skill." Hahaha.









How about exhibit B?

In this scene Eri Yuki (whom my version insists on calling Kwan) is trying to talk seriously about breaking up to a traumatized Shuichi (whom my version insists on calling either Showe or Showende) who has decided to renounce his masculinity (he is dressed in his sister's school uniform) in order to help Yuki save face. Shuichi says something along the lines of, "You're leaving me because I'm a man. I thought you'd like this look better." Yuki is saying something like, "How you're dressed isn't really helping your case." But it came out really weird. Poor Shuichi, he actually cross-dresses a few times in the series.


One last one:

Tohma (whom my version insists on calling like 8 things...seriously, it's like they forgot what they named him) is lurking in the room and catches Shuichi kissing Yuki (see the Kwan there?) goodbye on the ear. Yuki gets a little flustered, so Tohma (whom my version believes is a "she," although I assure you he is not) says something like "Oh, Yuki, I didn't know you had an ear fetish." I suppose that could  be a "problem," but I think it is more likely just a super bad translation.


Ms. Shakespeare couldn't even watch this version with me. She made me turn it off. I think it's hilarious. So, it gets my vote for best subtitles, on account of the amount of amusement it provides me. Not because they're good. Because they really, really aren't.

Day 16 - Favorite Mahou Shoujo Anime: Ai Enma?

Mahou Shoujo Anime is, from what I researched, not a thing I watch. It's about magical girls? Like Sailor Moon, or something. The closest I get is maybe Ai Enma, Hellgirl, from the Hellgirl series. I am sort of confused by the definition of Mahou Shoujo, so I'm just gonna assume that this counts.

Here is my defense:
1. She's a girl.
2. She has magical hell powers.
3. She wears a school uniform that looks kinda like sailor moon's.

Let's compare:

They are like Yin and Yang.

Sailor Moon is all: "Whoop! There I is!"

And Hellgirl is all:

"Pitiful shadow cloaked in darkness.
Thy action cause men pain and suffering.
Thy hollow soul drowns in thy sins.
How would you like to see what death is like?"

So, because I haven't written about Hellgirl before I'll say a few things now.

The plot of the series revolves around a reporter who is doing a story on a website called "Hell Corrospondence." The "Hell Corrospondence" site is set up for vengence. Wronged persons can send a name to the site and Ai and her assistants will carry them and their soul to hell to fullfil the grudge. The price for this service is that when the summoner dies they too will be carried into hell.  It's a lighthearted musical  romp...okay, that's just a lie. It's pretty dark and heavy stuff. The reporter, Shibata Hajime, has a lot of his own problems, and it turns out his daughter has a strange psychic link to Ai. And the psychological torture some of the cursed go through is pretty fantasticaly intense. Ai too has her backstory, which is tragic and heartbreaking. It's not a happy series, but it is beautifully animated and complex. I like complex! I like tragic! I like schoolgirls who take jerks to hell!

Whether this is actually a Mahou Shoujo? I don't know.

Here's what I got from the wikipedia: "Magical girl stories feature young girls with superhuman abilities, forced to fight evil and to protect the Earth." Well, maybe I'm waaay off base here. But this is as close as I get...so. Hmmm.

Day 10 (Am I Ahead or Behind?) Weirdest Anime Series You've Watched So Far: Code Geass

Firstly, watch this, and tell me if it is what I think it is:



Yeah, I think she's humping the table too. I hate Code Geass.

The trailer will sum it up...I guess:


So giant Blonde Brittanians conquer Japan and Lalouche (La Douche) decides to rebel in a giant mech. They are fighting against tyranny and injustice, right? So it shouldn't have table humping, or whatever this is:



Good Meow-ning...I hate Code Geass! I hate it even more because it was created in conjunction with CLAMP (who I respect and admire), and because it's won all sorts of awards...and is the (if wikipedia is to be believed) 4th best selling Anime in Japan.

But, I LIKE WEIRD! And Code Geass is so weird that it should be good. So, why does it SUCK??!! It sucks because I think it's just being weird for the sake of being weird. Things are so random in this anime. The characters say things that make no sense. They wear cat outfits for no reason. They have long discussions in the shower and then suddenly realize they're naked. There's an episode long game of catch Lalouche and kiss him, which should be funny, but is really just confusing. And there's mech. Is this a gunman anime? Is it a high-school comedy? Is it a sort of alternate reality thing? Why do they have psychic powers? Is that high-schooler a nightly news anchor? How dumb is that mask? Did he just levitate? Why are those girls in a sort of harem bathtub? Is that a fart joke? (Yes, in the middle of a serious scene a girl randomly farts.) Why is there a naked purple haired lady in a waterfall? Does he have to laugh like that? Why is he secret royalty? BLAH! Not fun weird! Just weird weird.

But, maybe I'm only assuming that it is trying to be weird for the sake of being weird...what if it isn't trying to be weird at all? My mind is blown.

Code Geass you are both the weirdest and the worst.

It sucks so bad the whole country of China banned it! (That's not why they banned it, apparently they are against table humping, naked schoolgirls and implied yaoi, but they should have banned it for sucking!)

Good Weird is this:

CRAYON SHIN-CHAN! No guts, no glory hole! Get that onigiri inside you turtlefart!

Day 6 - Most Annoying Anime Character: Haruko Haruhara

I'm going on record as saying I hate FLCL. I think every character, except for main character Naota is annoying to the nth degree. But chief among them is antagonist Haruko Haruhara. She could not be more annoying to me if she tried.

That's saying something because there are a LOT of annoying characters in anime. Nearly every series has one annoyingly hyperactive and grating idiot. In Ouran it is Renge Houshakuji (self-proclaimed manager and ubiquitous crazy fangirl)--every time she comes on screen I get annoyed. In Bleach there are a ton of annoying characters...too many to list. In Yami No Matsui those effing bird librarians have such horrifyingly irritating voices and personalities that they should be eaten by dragons out of principle.

But Haruko Haruhara wins, not just because she's annoying, irrational, stupid and ultraviolent, but because I find the entirety of FLCL annoying. It's just so...dumb (for the lack of a better word). Just DUMB! And because she is the most annoying character on the most annoying anime she has earned Day Six props.

Congrats! You are annoying!