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Showing posts with label love. Show all posts
Showing posts with label love. Show all posts

Dr. M: Day 15--The Saddest Scene

First, I would like to point out the fact that my fellow Squeers (that's right, I'm going with Squeers) apparently operate on a wibbly-wobbly version of "days." Are they secretly Gallifreyan? Who knows.

Secondly, this question is not significantly different than the last one? What's with the sads? Did Debbie Downer write this prompt list? Am I just supposed to be heaping sorrows upon you, Dear Readers? Again, who knows.

So, okay, "The Saddest Scene" in all of mangadom is...

WAAAAAAH! So sad!
(No really, it is very sad.)
This scene from Loveless (chapter 26) kills me. Every single time. 

About Love (Manga)

Written and Illustrated by Narise Konohara
Publisher: June
Rating: YA 16+

Aw, someone's sad because they're shopping for wedding dresses.
I know that feel, bro.
Aswaka is a wedding planner and Sasagawa and his wife were his first clients. Aswaka was unsure of his profession, but this couple inspired a passion in him and he continued his career to become a highly sought after wedding planner. In his mind Sasagawa and his wife became the archetypal couple...the perfect wife, the perfect husband, the perfect couple. But when he runs into Sasagawa alone a handful of times, and the two of them strike up a friendship, Asaka discovers that not everything is as it seems. 

Sasagawa had a crush on his wife in high school, but he was far below her interest, it was years later when they ran into each other during a homecoming that they reconnected...but their marriage is a front. She had a female lover and needed to get married to claim an inheritance, and poor Sasagawa, still head over heels for this woman, agreed to the charade. In his heart he believed that if he were the perfect husband, that eventually she'd see his love and devotion and return it. 

No, there isn't, Asaka.
I worry about 30 year old men all the time.
Asaka is floored when he learns of their marriage and pities Sasagawa's situation. Like he says, "being in a fake marriage with someone you really love--it's so unfortunate, its laughable." Asaka is the accidental witness to Sasagawa's breakdowns, and their friendship deepens as they support each other emotionally over the years. Then, because this is yaoi, well, they become romantically entangled.

Here's the thing, I like Asaka, but Sasagawa is a sad sack.  Normally I love a damaged character, and the damage here seems real, but Sasagawa is weak and needy, and too ready to take a backseat to everyone around him. I suppose there's an innocence there that's a little endearing, but he's so much like a kicked puppy that it unnerves me. 
Oh, my god, nut up!!!!
This man needs a wah-mbulance!

One of the most interesting aspects of this manga is the sort of unaware love that grows between the two characters in moments when they shore each other up.  Unlike those annoying yaoi, "Oh, suddenly and without any hesitation I'm gay" moments (because that's so realistic--sarcasm), the development of love between the characters is slow paced and feels genuine.  They just enjoy one another's company; they take comfort in one another; their love grows slowly and very, very cautiously--after all Sasagawa is a wounded man.  Both of them then run from the idea that their friendship is anything more...but to no avail.

More than anything this is a story about loneliness, and the hard truths about love--that it doesn't always work out, that it takes work and patience--the gender of the characters doesn't matter to those truths. It is the timidity (and to some degree the embarrassment) of this unlikely couple, that ultimately saves this slow-paced manga. Don't go looking for sexytimes here, or adventurous/aggressive characters...you'll be disappointed. But, if you're looking for something a little more realistic, and if you don't mind a bit of drunken man-sobbing, then this might be worth a read. 

So-What Sunday: Girl’s Bravo (Anime)


1st Season
Funimation 2004

Already I am annoyed. 

In season one, episode one of Girls Bravo, we are introduced to main character, Yukimari Sasaki. Sasaki lives alone. He is also short and scared of girls because he’s bullied by them. He breaks out into a rash whenever he’s near a girl, which I am sure is a euphemism for sexual arousal along the lines of the ubiquitous “nosebleed.” 

Unfortunately, the girl next door, Kojima (who has “breasts the size of small pork buns”…yes, that is a quote), keeps bugging the crap out of him and beating him up. With the background info out of the way (establishing Sasaki as a whiny bag of beat-down), the "story" (my quotes this time, they are ironic) begins as Kojima knocks him out and he falls into the tub. Then he gets sucked into a world populated mostly by women, but those women do not make him break out in a rash. Hooray or something. In this other world he is a hot commodity and his allergy is non-existent.

Oh, my bad, is this your tub?
BOOBIES!
Too bad that on his return trip a naked girl from that world is transported back to earth with him…HIJINKS! 

This anime is described as a sexy romp. It is not one. It is a ta-ta filled harem anime, and I think the intended audience is teenagers, because it’s too childishly lame for adults, and too racy for kids, but then again I am pretty immature, and my first reaction was, “This is dumb.” So, I stopped watching…take that for what it’s worth I suppose. 

The End . 

P.S. If you're into anime bewbs, you can google image the title with safe search off and there are ta-tas aplenty to be seen. Enjoy! 

Waiting in the Summer/Ano Natsu De Matteru (Anime Series)--First Impressions

I have a brand, spanking new one for you today, Dear Readers, Ano Natsu De Matteru, or Waiting in the Summer, first aired just a few weeks ago in Japan (on January 10th). Already sites like Crunchyroll are airing the first episodes.




Waiting in the Summer begins with the protagonist, Kaito, filming at night. As he records the night landscape around him, he has an internal monologue in which he discusses his theory of life after death, and its relationship to memory. He believes that the dead live on by entering our hearts, essentially making homes there, and only fading when they are forgotten. At this point, Dear Readers, I am hooked. In those opening scenes as Kai stands on an empty bridge at night looking down into the darkness (an old Super 8 clicking and whirring in his hands) he thinks of not only the mother and father he lost so tragically, but the end of the school year and the life-lessons and changes it implies, and as a result I sort of fall in love with this introspective and odd character.

Then BLAMMO--Alien ships, explosions, a shock wave that tosses Kai's shattered and bloody body from the bridge into the abyss below.

Good thing it was a dream...or was it? (DUN-dun-dunnnn! That's a dramatic bit of old timey music and I wish you could hear it, but you cannot...DUN!)

Kai is starting up his Junior year, and heading into summer break*--he's at a crossroads of sorts, not yet an adult, and certainly no longer a child.  He is a filmmaker, and as such records the dramas he claims to "already see in motion" around him.

This is drama I am familiar with.
My friends cockblock me all the time.
Shakespeare may be cockblocking me as you read this.
Many of these "dramas" take place between his group of friends and Ichika, the new Senior in school, who volunteers on her first day (and out of the blue) to star in Kai's recent film. Her inclusion into the group puts a strange spin on the group's dynamics as they begin their Summer film project.

One of my strongest first impressions of this series is that it is beautiful. I've never heard the illustrator's name, Pepako Dokuta, before in anime or manga, but wow, just WOW! And the writer, who goes only by Ichika (incidentally the same name as our female protagonist), seems unfamiliar as well, but WOW! So far, so good, Waiting on the Summer. Now, just keep it up.

Kai and Kanna (one of the group) walk home at night.
Look at that scenery? 
I like Kai, he seems like a lonely, artistic boy whose imagination and emotions often get the best of him. As viewers we often get ringside seats to his neurotic fantasies. His parents are deceased, and his sister is going abroad over the summer so, on an impulse, he invites the homeless, awkward and buxom Ichika to move in with him for the duration of the break.  
Ichika being filmed on the train platform.
SPOILER ALERT: She's an alien! 
In a wholly predictable plot twist (I'm not spoiling anything you couldn't figure out in like two seconds on your own, Dear Readers) it turns out Ichika is an alien. 
Agreed, friend of Kai's whose name I cannot remember at the moment!
Aliens ARE usually a huge plot twist.
Very M. Night Shalyman (except not at all)!
Takasuki Ichika accidentally crashed to earth with her friend/pilot named Rinon who looks like a peach/hamster hybrid thingamahoozit. Man, it just got silly, didn't it?

Magical Space Thingamahoozit, Rinon
is perhaps the unlikely product of an illicit hamster/peach love affair.
Ichika is hiding her identity and searching for someplace she's dreamed about, an imagined landscape she believes exists on earth. Kai wants to help her find it as they complete their film.

Despite the somewhat silliness of aliens and peachy/hamsters, this is a complex story about love, although it doesn't seem like a romance.  This story is instead about the sometimes fuzzy borders between love and affection and friendship and attraction.  As young adults at a crossroads of sort, these characters must navigate through these new and troublesome, and sometimes non-distinct, emotions. So, yes, on the surface the premise seems predictably silly, but the silliness should not dissuade you, Dear Readers. I'm looking forward to learning more about each of the group members as I watch their dramas unfold. And I'm hoping the silliness is kept to a minimum. I like silly too, but it seems unnecessary in such a beautifully illustrated and emotionally complex series.

*The traditional Japanese school system graduates students between grades in the Spring, before Summer break.

Warning! Whispers of Love (Manga)

Title: Warning! Whispers of Love
Author/Illustrator: Puku Okuyama
Genre: Yaoi
Publisher: DMP
Rating: 16+ YA


After reading the super-adorable The Rule of Standing on Tiptoe by Puku Okuyama, I was thrilled to find another of this author/illustrator's work up for review on eManga. I am a big fan of Okuyama's style, which is expressive and almost watercolory in its shading. And the plot of The Rule of Standing on Tiptoe was so sweet and understated and genuine feeling that maybe, just maybe, Dear Readers, I got my hopes up too high?

This story is a compilation collection, with four separate stories about young love. It manages to deal with younger characters without being overly creepy (for the most part). But, something about the first story arc and title piece Warning! Whispers of Love turned me off. It's not that this story segment is bad, per se...it's that it has at its heart an obsession with ear cleaning. Yeah, ear cleaning. Now before anyone attempts to instruct me on the fact that there is a very "sweet" sort of association with ear cleaning in Japan...I already know. Here's a video below of some very pretty ladies picking waxy whatnots out of the ears of paying gentlemen.




Precious! Except maybe to my admittedly western sensibilities...also, why is that guy yelling at the end? Anyone? I don't know what's going on! Ears!

If I had a quarter for every time a upper classman begged
to "only put the tip in," I would have no quarters.


So, main character Hajime is a first year high school student, and is being persued rather vigorously by highly ranked upperclassman Eiji. Eiji just wants to clean Hajime's ears. Eiji is a little scary, and sexual innuendos abound. Okay, it's kind of cute, but the ear thing...not my cup of fetish. The other stories are better.







The second story sequence, called "My Room/Our Room" is about a guitarist named Shino who, on a whim, takes a total stranger as a roommate. Sota is upbeat college kid who ran away from home to attend school, he needs a place to stay for two weeks, and Shino takes him in. This is yaoi, so obviously the two fall in a rather timid sort of love and Sota stays on after the two weeks. It's cute and sweet, and well-drawn, but nothing that makes my stomach flip, but this sequence certainly seemed the most well-considered of the four.

The next story sequence consists of two parts entitled "Lens," and "Beyond Friendship" and focuses on one of my favorite things...two childhood friends who realize that they really love each other once they are separated. It's a little predictable, but worth a read, I suppose. There isn't really enough room or development for it too move beyond plot into anything more complex.

The last story is a little weird and seems to be about a young man who is jealous of his boyfriend's dog. Eh. Meh. Bleh. I could take it or leave it.

Overall this collection isn't bad, it just feels rushed, perhaps to the point of incompletion at times. The stories are little more than brief plot sketches and as such don't seem to be very good at capturing or maintaining my attention, regardless of how much I admire Okuyama's illustrations. It's a fast read with not much meat on its bones--nothing I'd get obsessed over.

The Rule of Standing on Tiptoes (manga)

Title: The Rule of Standing on Tiptoe
Author/Illustrator: Puku Okuyama
Genre: Yaoi? I suppose incidentally it is.
Publisher: DMP
Rating: 16+ YA, but really doesn't need to be (zero sex or sexual situations)

Cover: Kosuke (Ham-chan) on Raku (Luck)'s shoulders
as Raku steals his chips. These boys are goofballs!

Okay, first of all, this is freaking adorable...adorable...like one of the most adorable things I've ever read, so I am going to keep writing adorable over and over again as I review it. ADORABLE! The Rule of Standing on Tiptoes is an adorable high-school  romantic comedy/friendship story about the tallest boy in class and the shortest boy in class. Short, hyper, hamster-like Kosuke and tall, popular Raku first meet when Raku hits Kosuke with his bike on the first day of 10th grade. Kosuke, who is immediately nick-named Ham-chan by Raku, is the first to discover Raku's secret--he's only half-Japanese. The secret isn't a big deal, but Raku stands out so much already because of his good looks and height that he'd rather keep his blue eyes (he wears black contacts) and his light brown hair (he claims he dyes it) under wraps to keep him from standing out more. His personality is vastly different from loud, boisterous, pierced, bleach blond Ham-chan, but despite their differences they form a fast friendship as they make their way through the pitfalls of high-school.  Somewhere along the way each, individually, starts to form more difficult feelings of love and devotion to the other. Did I say adorable? Because seriously, this is adorable. There's no graphic sex, no weird drama, no astonishingly unrealistic beautiful boys, no big obstacles, no secret pasts (I mean unless you count Raku's heritage), no psychic powers, no conniving rivals (one standard high-school-type rivalry is pretty tame), no aggressive lusting...there's nothing but an absolutely genuine feeling, sweetly awkward friendship that turns into an absolutely genuine feeling, sweetly awkward sort of love. Adorable.

On a side note there is something about Kosuke (Ham-chan)'s gestures and personality that reminds me of Ms. Shakespeare. Some of it may be the way he hyperactively panics before over-rationalizing and putting on a stoic face. Some of it may be because she is kind of adorable. See exhibit A and B below:


On the  left the adorable Ms. Shakespeare and surly Dr. M battling for the only copy of a manga!
On the right Ham-chan and his ex-girlfriend race to school to prove who is faster!
It really does look like us.
 So, the manga is adorable, and Ms. Shakespeare and I are adorable. Facts is facts, Dear Readers.

This really is one of the most honest seeming yaoi manga I've ever read. Okuyama has really captured that swoony-sick feeling that accompanies a timid sort of love. It is well worth a read if only to re-experience that feeling again. Oh...adorable (just wanted to type it once more).

Winchester Wednesday: The Hero's Journey



Finally I have my own sign in, thank you ladies (even if you are both decidedly unladyish).
As promised you'll find another installment of Winchester Wednesday below. This one centering on the surprisingly difficult answer to the simple question: who is the hero in Supernatural?


Supernatural and the Hero's Journey

One of the things that makes Supernatural so deliciously complex is the dual protagonists viewers find in Dean and Sam Winchester. Fans of one or the other Winchester can rationalize and provide support for their favorite amongst the boys as the central hero of the storyline. I myself have had arguments over "central hero" several times, and the debate usually centers on the fact that most stories contain only one protagonist. There may be subplots and side-stories, but the larger overarching plot normally (with exceptions, of course) depends on one, and only one, lead character or hero.

Think of every epic ever written. Beowulf, The Illiad, The Odyssey, The Aeneid, The Divine Comedy, Lord of the Rings (yeah, I went there), Sundijata,The Epic of Gilgamesh, Paradise Lost, any number of Arthurian romances, Norse sagas, quest journeys, and even Star Wars. There is one central and primary hero in each of these epics. It is rare to see more than one protagonist--this leaves SPN fans choosing a primary hero, because as readers we expect we will be required to do so.

Were I to pick one protagonist I would, out of devotion/obsession more than anything else, pick Dean. I could make the argument that Dean's story is a knights tale, and a pretty traditional one at that. Sam is then the equivalent of either a princess (ha!), a character foil (it is possible), a replacement for a more traditional love-interest (ask me about my wincest 1 issues!), or simply a plot device.

That's not really fair to Sam though. Ms. Shakespeare, among others, has argued that the reverse is true and that Sam is the central protagonist because the story begins with him and climaxes (sort of) with his fall from grace and redemption. The most compelling reasoning for this argument is that Sam changes while Dean does not (at least not in the same drastic ways), because it is Sam, and not Dean, who needs to be redeemed. To that I say, "okay, okay."

Now Dr. M has a very different point of view--she believes that Sam is a "whiny douchenozzle" who "isn't good enough to share a hotel room with Dean," and that were Dean not "the most forgiving, tragic, beautiful and heartbreaking demi-god" to ever walk the earth he would have "shot Sam's ass in episode 20-something.2" She is certifiably nuts and incapable of most rational conversation, or thought, when it comes to Dean Winchester...which is why I am writing these posts instead of her. She also argues that Sam is plot, while Dean is character...but that's a post and argument for another Wednesday.

The truth is neither Dean nor Sam entirely fills the role of "hero" on their own, not in a traditional sense, anyway. Joseph Campbell, preeminent comparative mythologist and all-around friend to literature, outlined the stages of the traditional, cross-cultural hero's journey in several of his books, most notably The Hero with a Thousand Faces.3 This central monomyth4 has been revisited countless times across millenia and throughout wide-spread (worldwide really) areas. Supernatural seems to be one contemporary western retelling of this monomyth, albeit with an obvious twist--neither Winchester brother singularly fills the role of traditional hero. It takes both Dean and Sam to retell this foundational myth. I contend that these brothers, soul mates really, serve as fractured halves of what is usually a single hero. It is only together that they complete the journey and find wholeness.

Let's see how these beautiful boys stack up by running down the first stage of the hero's journey as outlined by Joseph Campbell 5.

In the departure stage, the first stage of the hero's journey, the protagonist moves from the known into the unknown. It is Sam who rather clearly steps into the role of hero at this point, and he begins as the story's primary hero. It is not until later on that we see how each brother fulfills various roles in the standard monomyth. It is Sam who fulfills the traditional steps in the first part of this story. He has, as many heroes do, a birth of unusual circumstance or import which serves as a foreshadowing of what is to come, or an indicator of the hero's "special nature." The departure stage consists of several subsections, or steps, but not every story will fulfill ALL of those steps, or fulfill them in the same order. This seems to be the case with Supernatural. In fact, some of the steps are fulfilled by both brothers in different ways, indicating that not only are they serving as co-heroes, but are completing individual journeys alongside the larger collective journey.

Home Culture: Sam has, despite the rigors and limitations of his upbringing into a hidden side of life as a hunter, found a home and a sense of "normalcy" through college and his relationship with Jessica. He has, prior to the series, abandoned his uncommon family and co-dependant bonds with his brother/caregiver/soul mate for one more socially acceptable. Without the rift between Sam and his previous life, the foundation for "normalcy" could not exist, and the journey would end before it even started, in a way. His rejection of the "family business" establishes him as a rebel, but a strange sort of rebel...one that desires not adventure, but the mundane existence of "normal" people. This stage is important, without it there is no "beginning" to start from. Dean cannot yet be the hero in this sense, because his role is to call Sam away from this false-life he's created and set him on the hero's path.

Dean as Call to Action/Adventure...I'd heed that!
Call to Adventure: The call to adventure in Supernatural occurs immediately with the pilot episode. Dean at this point clearly serves not as a hero, but as the call to adventure personified. His pleas to Sam for assistance in his supernatural quest to find their father interrupt the normal life Sam has attempted to create. In truth, as soon as Dean enters the scene Sam's part of the hero's journey begins. But like every hero, he is reluctant to take up the mantle, or the sword, either out of selfishness (Sam is still bitter, and angry at his father and brother) or out of disbelief (Sam does not feel that he has much to offer; if Dean cannot find him, how will Sam be able to help?).



Refusal of the Call: Again, this occurs almost immediately, in the first episode, but the refusal continues in later episodes as Sam continues to look for reasons to return to his normal life. Dean faces his own calls (plural) to adventure and puts up his own (less successful, due to his character) refusals to heed that call in later seasons, especially in Season 4, when he is called from hell by heavenly mandate to become a soldier for god, and in Season 6 when he is called from his life with Lisa to rejoin Sam. The cyclical aspect of the show and its various story-arcs further complicate the question of who the "hero" might be, and further supports my view that each takes at least part of a larger role while still following their own individual journeys. Sam's story in later seasons becomes less that of traditional hero and more of a modern-day internal journey to redemption and absolution. He is certainly a flawed hero, though his will is always for good he actually succumbs to a sort of false hero's journey in Season 4, believing he is on the right track as he is deceived by Ruby and Lilith.

Supernatural Aid: At some point in every hero's journey the hero must accept some supernatural aid. The show is called Supernatural so, it's not really unexpected that some aid comes from a supernatural source. Now, for Dean and Sam this is not always a positive thing. They do find supernatural aid in the form of Missouri and the ghost of their mother early on in the episode "home," and in Castiel in seasons 4-6, but that is part of a later stage of the journey. In this stage the supernatural aid pushes the hero further into the unknown, and convinces them to accept the journey. Campbell's steps never insist that the supernatural act, character or item that pushes the hero onto the path be a positive thing. It certainly is not in Sam's case. For Sam this supernatural event is first and foremost Jess's death. It is this act by supernatural forces that returns Sam (now motivated by vengeance) back to the hunt and back to his brother's side.

Crossing the First Threshold: Joseph Campbell provides that this step is the moment when the hero moves out of their comfort zone alone, and is "confronted with an obstacle that must be overcome before s/he can finally enter the dangers of the unknown journey" 6 . For Sam it seems that the threshold comes in episode 11 of season 1, "Scarecrow," when he abandons Dean to search for their father alone. While waiting for a buss alone he weighs his love and obligations for his family--primarily to Dean--and comes to an acceptance of his role. He also arrives just in time to save Dean from the scarecrow, which is convenient if not slightly implausible. Sam's threshold is acceptance; he accepts his journey and his place by his brother's side.

Now, if this seems like Sam is clearly the hero--think again. The truth is that Dean's journey is parallel and shaped by his own inner conflict, issues and obstacles. By the time Dean leaps into Sam's life he has at least partially accepted his awkward destiny and his role in the world. His call to adventure comes early on, at age four! And his decision to heed that call is motivated by his need to protect his brother (whom he sees as a central responsibility) and avenge his mother. The obstacle he must overcome is more internal--it has to do with pride, self-worth, and trust. Dean's personality leads him to leap headlong into danger spurred on by his love for Sam.

It is in this second stage of the hero's journey, which Campbell calls Initiation, that they boys begin to take on dual roles as hero.

The Road of Trials: This is quite literal with the Winchesters, as they are knights in shining Impala. In this step of the journey the "protagonist is found vulnerable and the outcome reveals a part of him/her that s/he did not know existed." For Sam this is literal. His demon blood is a weakness of sorts and is revealed late in season 1. For Dean this becomes literal as well, in some ways, in an early episode Dean 's heart is damaged in the hunt and he seems unconcerned with his impending death (this moment also forshadows his lack of concern for himself in season 3 after the crossroads deal). It is then that we, and Sam, realize that Dean's capacity for selfless behavior hides something equally beautiful and heartbreaking--a clear lack of self worth manifesting as a tendency towards sacrifice to help others. There are multiple moments along each brother's literal and metaphorical road of trials that reveal weaknesses, strengths, personality traits, and more. Each case, each "hunt," reveals more about the brothers to each other, the viewers, and themselves. Each case that brings them close to the Yellow Eyed Demon reveals more about Sam's infancy and destiny, while at the same time revealing more about Dean's personal scars and devotion.

Meeting a Soul mate: Well, let's call it "realizing" a soul mate for the Winchesters, because clearly they belong to one another in complex ways--they are parent/child, brothers, best friends, yin/yang, confidants, and for all intents and purposes, beloveds. We'll save the whole "beloved" argument for a later discussion...to be continued! Certainly they are not only willing to die for one another, but suffer eternally so that the other will survive. There seems to be no limits to the love they have for one another, although they admittedly have communication and trust issues...that's all part of the journey as well. For Dean the "soul mate" is realized most clearly when he is faced with Sam's death at Cold Oak. The subsequent deal he makes is the act of a desperate man who cannot live without his other half. For Sam this realization comes later in what I feel is one of the most revealing episodes of the series "Mystery Spot." During the Trickster's trials he comes face to face with the emptiness and desperation of a life without Dean.
Dean realizing Sam as soul mate.

Sam realizing Dean as soul mate.

Overcoming Temptation: Sam faces temptation more than Dean does in a lot of ways. Dean's temptation is selfless and temporary, finding its center in "What Is and What Should Never Be" (season 2, episode 20) when he is tempted by a Djinn into accepting a better life for both Sam and himself. Sam's temptation has to do with Ruby and his desire for power. Even though his desire for power, and his relationship with Ruby, is motivated by what he thinks is a larger good, it is deceptively evil. His nature is taken advantage of, and the temptation is only overcome by Dean's intervention and Dean's love.

Viewing the Whole Picture: This is something difficult to come by in Supernatural. The boys only have glimpses of the whole. Dean in "The End" and both brothers in "Changing Channels" in what seems on the surface like a "fluff" episode reveals a lot about the overarching plot and has strong allusions to another great epic Paradise Lost; only this time Lucifer isn't the hero at all. The view of the whole is revealed slowly in Supernatural. Pieces of the larger picture are revealed to brothers and viewers who struggle to construct some overarching plan.

The Ultimate Goal: Every hero's journey has to have one. So, what is the goal in Supernatural? Well, in a lot of ways, the goal is status quo...the goal is that the world go on, flawed as it is, as it always has, under the power of free will, and free from overt interference from supernatural forces. In another way the goal is salvation, not just of the world but of self. And certainly Sam's journey carries with it another goal, that of redemption, in the eyes of his brother, and for himself.

The third stage of the journey, Return, is when Dean takes center stage in some ways, while Sam takes up the slack as part of Team Winchester. Some of this story is left untold still, as one conflict leads to the next and the cycle begins again. It will be hard to predict what direction the journey will take in these last seasons. The Return consists of some classic literary tropes, such as The Chase, and The Rescue (these stages are fulfilled by Dean's pursuit of Sam's soul in later seasons, and in Sam's pursuit of redemption in earlier seasons). Both boys Cross the Return Threshold with a journey into the underworld. Both are called by forces outside of their realm (angels for Dean, demons for Sam) to become Master of Two Worlds in accepting or refusing (Refusing to Return) their roles as vessels for angelic hosts. The final stage of the hero's journey is yet to be realized, and I wonder if this is where the series will take a serious detour from the traditional form. The final stage is Freedom something that the boys cling to throughout the series, but something that has not yet been realized for them.

What kind of journey is this? Is it about redemption? Is it about vengeance? Or sacrifice? Or salvation? Well, it's about all of those things--each brother faces temptation, each descends (literally) into the underworld, and each is willing to sacrifice themselves (but not the other) to create a better world. Why? Well, because for the Winchesters the world cannot (does not) exit without the other in it. They act heroic, but are spurred on more by love for one another than any other emotion or incentive.

There is, in many ways, no point in saving a world without the other in it, because the "world" ceases to be, or at least it ceases to matter (that's very Wuthering Heights). As Sam says early on in season one's "Devil's Trap" some things, specifically Dean, are more important than any vengeance or closure. Both boys battle with their need to sacrifice themselves when, to misquote someone I've forgotten--the absolute worst thing that could happen to either of them wouldn't actually happen to them, but to the other.

So, neither Dean nor Sam is a hero in and of themselves, both satisfy steps in the traditional hero's journey, turning it into a heroes' journey, something plural and driven by love.

And that, Dear Readers (as our hostesses are wont to say), is some profound shit!



1. Wincest is a term invented by fan fiction writers and fans of the show that implies that Dean and Sam are not only soul-mates, but they have the hots for one another. Normally I would wince at a blatant disregard for the incest taboo, but there seems to be extenuating circumstances to their relationship. Plus, they're hot.

2. Dr. M. "You stupid c*%tface." Message to the author. 19 Sept. 2011. Email.

3. Campbell, Joseph. The Hero with a Thousand Faces. 3rd ed. New York: Pantheon, 2008.

4. A good outline of the heroic monomyth proposed by Joseph Campbell can be found via the History Through Literature Project pages produced by Berkeley's ORIAS (Office of Resources for International and Area Studies) program at: ORIAS. "Monomyth Home." History Through Literature Project. University of California Berkeley, 8 Nov. 2007. Web. 14 Dec. 2011.

5. A very nicely detailed chart of the stages of the hero's journey can be found at Seifert, S. "Hero's Journey Chart." Hero's Journey Defined. Earthlink, 18 March 2010. Web. 14 Dec. 2011.

6. Seifert, S. "Hero's Journey Chart."

7. Supernatural. Dir. Eric Kripke. CW. CNUV, Baltimore. 2005-2011. Television.

La Esperanca--Manga

La Esperanca officially has one of these jobbers ç (called a cedilla). I may or may not try to remember to put it in like so: La Esperança. I'll try. And I will try...I mean it. Why? Because La Esperança  is one of my favorite manga series ever. On the surface it's typical yaoi stuff--school boys yearning over forbidden feelings in a will they/won't they sort of situation that ends all too predictably. Not that there's anything wrong with that, but La Esperança does more than just rehash the same plot as a hundred other tension-filled, angsty, boy-love manga. It actually brings up some interesting and insightful discussions of destiny, friendship, faith, kindness, fragility and vulnerability. These are heavy, literary themes for this genre of manga and author and illustrator Chigusa Kawai (this is her first, and for a long time her ONLY work) handles them with maturity, subtlety, complexity and sincerity in this seven volume series.

But first, an important confession: I read this manga as it was being released by DMP, and eagerly anticipated each new volume. I can remember counting down release dates, driving on my lunch hour to (of all places) the local Game Stop, and bringing the volumes home with twitchy fingers. La Esperança made me nervous. It still does. I often delayed reading my new volume until I had re-read all the previous ones. I was certainly anxious to know what turn the story of wealthy private school students Georges Saphir and Robert Jade might take, but I'd need to ease myself back into it. To be frank, I was nervous for the characters. I both wanted and did not want to see them break. I was nervous for me as well, La Esperança is a series I had to physically step away from on several occasions (putting the book down mid-chapter with a sigh or sharp intake of breath) to ward off the emotional heartbreak that seemed inevitable.

In short, this series is pretty powerful stuff at times, especially in terms of image, emotion, and characterization. It also has a lot of wind blown angst. Lots of wind. So much wind that Ms. Shakespeare once went on a lengthy diatribe about the amount of wind in this manga series, claiming that in order for this to be realistic each character would have to be sporting around their own wind machine at all times. Wind aside, because I don't really care either way, this is a must read. Chigusa Kawai's first work is intense, impressive and (dare I say it? ) literary. I have been looking forward to some new work from this writer/illustrator since the end of La Esperança, and Kawai has finally produced something new--a series entitled Alice the 101st, which is on my to read and to review list as we speak. I only hope the new series lives up to my expectations based on this one. I'll certainly be letting you know, Dear Readers.

WARNING ONE: Blogger may have just screwed me out of a crazy-good, long-ass essay on this manga. In fact, I know it did. I have never had this experience on blogger, and am half-furious at both it and myself at the moment. I will have to rewrite it, and I am ensaddened. I hope it is even better this time around, although I expect it will not be. Hey, blogger, what happened to the auto-save? Did you forget to do that? Because it would have been really nice in this case. SO ANGRY!

WARNING TWO: Dr. M (seriously, I have an actual PhD...don't question my ability to get all schooley) is about to wax all academic up in this mug, please bear with her, humor her and acknowledge that from time to time this sort of thing has a place.


Robert and Georges first meeting.
Georges literally falls into his arms.
Only to be dumped out unceremoniously with a
"Tsk, I thought you were a girl."

At its heart, La Esperança is a buildungsroman about the development of the inner self. The teenage boys populating St. Grollo Boy's School are coming to an awareness of the singular self at odds with the surrounding world. This awareness brings with it an acknowledgement of limitations and complications. Each character is asked to face their fears about the past and future in order to become a whole person moving in and through the world.
Thematically it deals with some very important, and sometimes heavy, topics, asking us, as readers, to consider, what we do to protect ourselves from the world as human beings.  It is very human to put up our guard against the world around us, because vulnerability leaves us exposed, but closing ourselves off keeps us from living fully in the world through connections with others. Georges, the protagonist of the novel, begins as nothing more than a pretty object--a self-effacing angel popular with all students, but close to none. Henri, the best friend, is held at arms length and longs to breach the unseen barriers Georges throws up to guard his inner self from the outside world. Robert, the antagonist and eventual love interest, hides his true self  behind the perceptions others have of him; he lets his classmates and others believe him to be cold and callous because it is easier (and safer) than having to explain or relieve past sorrows. 

Georges' Story is about acceptance:
In all of the essential ways, this is the story of Georges Saphir, orphan, half-saint, pianist, and angelic do-gooder with a tragic past he is unaware of. So, we must start with Georges.Georges has things wrong, but not on purpose. An altruist at heart Georges strives to be pure, to be kind and helpful to everyone, to live for others. But in living for others he abandons himself in many ways, and becomes less of a person as a result. The sweet-smiling barriers he constructs keep people from seeing what Georges believes is impure, or undeserving, below the surface. Robert is the first person to ever breach the barriers Georges puts up, and he does so rather cruelly in a way, telling Georges that there is a contradiction in George's actions, that Georges, who is friendly to all, but close to none, is actually cruel. He berates him, telling Georges that he spreads benevolence around, but feels none of it, that he pushes his kindness on people, and that although he seems altruistic he is in fact selfish with himself. Robert points out the "lie" in Georges' treatment of his classmates that he claims to like them, but never lets anyone know the real him. Georges, he claims, will be the one suffering in the end if he does not learn to love himself. Roberts lessons are cruelly given at first, but they belie the interest he has in Georges. Georges, over the course of the story, learns to let people in bit by bit. He also learns that to become an adult, to have real relationships, one must give of ones' self.

Robert's Story is one of rredemption:
Can I just tell you how much I love this character? Too bad, Dear Readers, I'm doing it anyway. I love Robert Jade. His cockiness covers his hidden sensitivities and insecurities, therefore he's my second favorite kind of tragic hero. My first favorite kind, incidentally is Heathcliff from Wuthering Heights. He is a "pain demon," seemingly sadistic, but really masochistic. Oh, Heathcliff! Robert is the second kind, the torn prince, the knight errant crippled by his own inner workings and personal tragedies, the bad boy with a secret child's heart plagued by sorrows and desires ( on a related note, I love you, Dean Winchester!). His small gestures undo me. Scenes when we get a glimpse into Robert's past, scenes when he and Georges struggle to contain emotion, and scenes where Robert breaks, showing his kindness or his haunted soul, or his fragility, leave me breathless. Georges is a pretty blank page, but Robert....Robert is a supernova: a dying star in the throws of immolation. Robert is haunted by his own tragic past, one in which he feels responsible for the death of a loved one (whom Georges greatly resembles in looks and in personality). Neglected as a child, Robert is awkward with emotion and relationships, but it is clear that he has vast up-wellings of love that need an outlet. In the climax of the book, Robert not only redeems himself, but finds closure and forgiveness. 

Side stories are about coming into one's own self, creating the individual, navigating the distance between expectations and reality, desires and needs. Each of the characters faces their own personal quests to establish a future, to comes to terms with obstacles and to make secure connections that will last a lifetime. These boys are at a crossroads in which the must choose the directions their lives will take: each struggles with very human fears, fallabilities, and even a few neuroses.


Georges kisses Robert out of the blue,
finally taking something for himself.

The story ends, not on a saccharine sweet happily ever after, but on a sort of trembling hopefulness.  Robert and Georges actually part, but with promises. They will each other to fight, to survive whatever life may throw at them and (in the immortal words of Tim Gunn) "make it work" despite obstacles.  We see a glimpse of their possible future in their determination to take initiative, address, change, and compromise WITHOUT sacrificing one's ideals, and self.

In this way the "Ending" feels more akin to a beginning. Half of me wishes for a continuation---half of me thinks that this hopeful, "non-conclusion" is the best of all possible endings for a series concerned with accepting and facing future obstacles.

I keep coming back to this manga again and again, not because it is sweet or inspiring (although it is at times) , but because it touches on what it means to be human in all of its incarnations--positive and negative. There are certainly moments where my heart is bursting  for these characters, but there are equal number of  moments when I feel afraid for them, or question their actions and reactions. Human beings are not perfect.  There are no happy endings. In fact, there are no endings at all.

Durarara! (Anime Series) Mid-season Update

The season is half-over and I'm half-hooked, which is a good sign, because unlike our intrepid Ms. Shakespeare, I hardly ever feel obliged to continue a series if I'm not enjoying it. I am enjoying Durarara! As the story progresses, the interspersed stories of the first few episodes begin to overlap and reveal the hidden connections that exist in, Ikebukuro, a city that only feels anonymous and disconnected. The mid-season in Durarara! makes clear that, although disparate units make up the city, each of these units feed off of one another in co-dependent ways.

Each character plays a part in Ikebukuro, which itself is nothing more than a conglomeration of many selves, hitting and pinging off of one another in a seemingly endless, and intricate pattern. Every character, from the Russian Sushi Chef to the introverted Student Council Representative, seems to be on a search for some sense of completeness and connectedness that may already exist below the surface of their understanding. All of these characters express a heartfelt (and sometimes misdirected) desire to belong to something, and many, like the "main" character, Mikado Ryugamine, actively create that "something" through their actions and interactions.

It turns out, in a mid-season reveal,that Mikado is the accidental and anonymous leader of the Dollars, the "gang" of the moment that actually is more of an anti-gang, seeking out ways to act for the greater good instead of self satisfaction. His need for belonging stemming from his isolation (he is without family, and introverted) helps him create virtual connections in an online community. The numbers of Dollars swell beyond his expectations as more and more people join this "unband" of outsiders and misfits. Although they have been a latent gang (of sorts), Mikado calls on them for the first time in an attempt to assist Celty in her quest. Even he is impressed by the turn-out.

Other characters, like the siblings Shizuo Heiwajima (a self-proclaimed peace-loving man who seems anything but that when he resorts to ridiculous shows of violence)and Kasuka Heiwajima (a professional actor on the rise), keep a distance from one another despite their strong brotherly bonds, in order to assist the other in achieving their goals, and only reveal their connections in subtexts and secrecy. Other less pristine relationships like the one between Doctor and Pharmaceutical Director, Namie Yagiri and her disturbingly obsessed brother, Seiji Yagiri, have a more troubling relationship in which the co-dependency is pushed to its irrational, and disturbing, limits out of a twisted response to childhood loneliness and desperation.

Lovers like Celty and Shinra Kishitani (her old friend and current roommate) deepen their connection to one another, finding in each other someone who accepts their limitations without question (they are adorable in their sweet, simple friendship and stilted infatuation). They all struggle, in positive and negative ways, for completeness. Celty herself serves as a character who, quite literally, embodies this desire for completeness in her continuing search for her head and the memories she believes it may contain.

Out in the city it isn't only people, but incidents that become intertwined. A rash of disappearances is connected with gang activity, medical testing and even, in a rather disheartening way, with Celty's missing head. Good news everyone, Celty's head has been found…unfortunately, attached to the body of a murdered girl (one of Mikado's classmates who has gone missing—she was Seiji’s stalker and he killed her when she discovered Celty's head in a jar by his bed) by Namie Yagiri in order to satiate her little brother Seiji's obsession (I did say they had a disturbingly twisted relationship) with said head and serve as a "love gift" of sorts. Bleh. Poor Celty's head attached to that stupid girl's body. I hope Celty gets her noggin back; headlessness must be frustrating.


I love this picture of Celty and the Good Doctor Shinra
by deviantArt artist YukiYijiKusakabe.
She's captured the sweetness of his devotion to Celty,
regardless of her "incomplete" state.

Most of me wonders if I'm really just watching this series to see if Celty gets her head/memories back. I might be, but I'm also watching to see the connections play out. As I wrote in my earlier Durarara!: First Impressions post, this series has an insane number of characters who each tells/sees/experiences only part of the whole story of Ikebukuro and its residents. I like the complexity of the interwoven plots, and I hope that by the end of this series more mysteries and connections are revealed. Until then, it is on Adult Swim on Saturday nights. Check it out (try not to get confused).

Eerie Queerie--Manga




Okay, again, I feel bad reviewing an older manga with limited availability, but Eerie Queerie! is worth discussing, at least a little bit. This four-volume series by Shuri Shiozu was an early addition to my manga collection (I have a lot of manga...a bookshelf of manga), and it remains one of my favorites. Not because it is exceptionally complex (it isn't), not because it is well illustrated (it isn't), not because it is angst filled and character driven (it isn't...not really), not because there are possessed masks housing goat-demons who try to seduce high-school mediums, or embittered ghostly servants forced into cat cos-play by perverted bisexual priests, or cross-dressing shrine "maidens" who woo lost-loves with funny faced frogs. Ah, I'm such a liar, it's totally those last three things.

Eerie Queerie! is adorable and ridiculous. I wind up "ooh"-ing and giggling aloud every time I read it. It's just so...cute? Certainly the main character, Mitsuo Shiozu (same last name as the author...on purpose!), a high-schooler who can see the dead and is extremely susceptible to possession, is a goofy, giggly teen with a heart of gold and a deep connection to his few friends. He has spent a lonely life, but due to some unforeseeable hijinks involving a dead school girl, he forges a close friendship with (super hot) Hasunuma who is interested in folklore and the occult. His first, best and most-devoted friend, Hasunuma, obviously has strong feelings for Mitsuo that go beyond friendship and a willingness to protect innocent Mitsuo from the world. However, confused Mitsuo fails to make the connections between Hasunuma's feelings and their affectionate interactions...Mitsuo realizes his own feelings of love towards Hasunuma later, and is appalled that HE might be taking advantage of his "innocent" friend (Hasunuma uses every ploy in the book to get Mitsuo closer to him, or lay "claim" to him in front of rivals). As a reader I cannot help but laugh and laugh at Mitsuo's confusion and the entire comedy of errors that is Eerie Queerie!.

Here is a typical Hasunuma move (with a typical Mitsuo response):


Hasunuma is kissing Mitsuo as he leaves to go on a school scavenger hunt. Mitsuo is at first alarmed by Hasunuma's overtly affectionate ways, but Hasunuma tells him that "that's just what friends do." Mitsuo, having no experience with friends (and secretly desiring all that yummy affection) is reassured and begins to accept the "normalcy" of Hasunuma's touchy-feely-ness. Ichi, the third man in their group, is constantly bothered by Hasunuma's advances on Mitsuo...he thinks Hasunuma is taking advantage of Mitsuo's ignorance and naivete...Ichi is right--he is.  

Hasunuma is my favorite character in this series. His devotion to Mitsuo, his playfulness (despite the serious nature of his feelings), his sweetness, his sacrifices and his infinite patience make him a little swoonworthy. Everytime I reread E Q! I find myself rooting for Hasunuma (he's the biggest flirt in the world), and rolling my eyes at the baffled reactions of Mitsuo. Hasunuma is not the lead in the story, but he is the romantic lead...it makes for an odd and compelling will they/won't they situation (actually more of a will Mitsuo realize/won't he realize) which all works out happily (and goofily) in the end.

Eerie Queerie! isn't deep and profound. It isn't soul-shattering. It isn't much more than a ridiculously amusing supernatural comedy, but it is really, really cute without being annoying or precious. Ultimately, it is worth a read, especially if you like aggressively perverted Shinto priests...and it turns out I do.

Note: the rating on E Q! is 16+, but there is NO graphic sex in this. There are sexual situations and a crazy amount of innuendo, but no actual sex. As far as yaoi goes, it is pretty tame, and sweet without being smutty. The only risky character is the Shinto priest who does get a little "handsy" at times. I would say that this might be more of a PG-13 series than a restricted one, but that's just liberal ol'me.

Kissing--Manga




Kissing by Teiko Sasaki and Shoko Takaku centers on the friendship of college seniors Haru and Kazushi. And it is another angst-fest. These two childhood friends are often mistaken as a couple by the people around them as a result of their comfort and affection with one another. Already I am a smitten kitten at this point. I love stories about close friendships that blur boundaries between amorous, philial and fraternal love, so even if there were not the later element of a hidden amorous/erotic love thrown in I would still be drawn to the story. Haru and Kazushi rely on one another's friendship so it is no surprise that Kazushi holds back his feelings from Haru for fear of risking what they already have together. It isn't until Haru pushes Kazushi for answers about his secret love interest that the truth is revealed. Haru's response is shock and dismay...followed by avoidance and an angry confrontation about how Kazushi should have just kept quiet. Behind the surface, though, readers are made aware of how much Haru relies on Kazushi and how oblivous he has been to the effort Kazushi has put into their friendship over the years. It is time for Haru to grow up.

As graduating seniors each friend is plagued with concerns over their future, and what it might hold. When Haru learns of Kazushi's goal to move to America for an MBA, he considers the loss that that entails and subsequently the important role Kazushi has played in his life. What is the difference between friendship and love? At times it is quite clear, but for these two characters whose lives have been so intertwined the distinction is almost irrelevant. They belong to one another in so many ways that the shift from platonic to romantic love seems inevitable in some ways.

The manga centers on that shift, and the fear that if "things go wrong" their longstanding friendship will be destroyed. It is also sprinkled with nostalgic moments that show us how their relationship has developed over the years. Scenes of Kazushi sneaking through Haru's window mean much more in the context of his now-public confession. Very Romeo and Tybalt! The genuine affection between the two characters is beyond sweet, and their fear of losing one another motivates each to reimagine their connection to one another. All in all, this is a really sweet and tender story about not only the crossroads between different types of love, but the uncertainties these students face regarding their future together and apart.

The manga rates itself as 16+ (for one little scene at the end).

A Love Song for the Miserable--Manga

Hooray, another yaoi involving a bakery and older characters! Although, I'm not sure this angsty-yearn-fest is Ms. Shakespeare's cup of tea (too much tension and tortured emotion), it is CERTAINLY mine.

Yukimura's A Love Song for the Miserable has a great title, doesn't it. And it's pretty appropos of what to expect from the single volume work. The main character, Itsuki Asada, is a miserable guy who hates his job, his life and...well, he's a little bitter. The story starts with Asada drunkenly ranting about his position at a Tokyo department store to a co-worker. The co-worker, annoyed by his pity-party, leaves him half-passed out in some shrubbery (I love the word shrubbery) where a runner by the name of Iwasaki Nao runs, quite literally, across him.

Nao has a dilemma of his own. His father owns a bakery and wants Nao to take over, but Nao is unsure of himself and his abilities. He is an avid runner (with a very poor sense of direction), who uses running to sort out his problems and lost in thought finds himself in an unfamiliar area. They "rescue" one another: Nao pulls the drunken, sobbing Asada from the bushes and Asada gives Nao directions home. The ever-exhuberant Nao scribbles his own directions on a scrap of paper. The directions are to Nao's bakery "The Star," where he asks Asada to come by for a pastry as thanks. Uncharacteristically, Asada does come by and discovers that Nao is a very talented, yet untrained pastry chef. Nao discovers that Asada may be helpful in developing his skills, as a critic and a taster. The two form a quick friendship which temporarily lifts Asada from his slump. He finds himself feeling useful and relied upon for once and relishes the opportunity to be a part of something successful.

It is not until Nao decides to begin training in France that Asada realizes that his friendly feelings for Nao might be something more. Rather than confess his feelings to his friend Asada does the exact opposite, he snaps at Nao, plays down the importance of their friendship and snubs Nao's ambitions. The two part on terrible terms and Asada once again falls into his misery.











Asada is miserable. He's pretty much always miserable. Look at that anguish!






















Three years later the two are thrust into a business situation and hurt feelings on both sides cause even more tension between the two. Finally the stand-off breaks, but unfortunately Asada realizes that not only is he still the same miserable person in an unsatisfying career that he was three years ago, he's also still in love with Nao who is now a world-reknowned patissier. As Asada himself says, he loves Nao but hates him at the same time. Nao, who is open and honest and almost puppy-ish in his devotion, has things that Asada wants (not just his body). Asada is jealous, bitter and heartbroken when he's around Nao, but he longs for Nao when they are parted. Asada is one tortured soul...and kind of a puss. Finally Nao reveals that he thinks he has figured out Asada, and that he wants to make him happy because "No one wants to see such a (sad) face on the person they love." Despite the love confession, Asada bolts just after this painful scene:


Seriously, Asada, you have got to quit beating yourself up...it really isn't that bad.
All in all, this is the kind of crappy manga I adore. It has long-standing secretive emotions, defensiveness to conceal heartbreak and some awesome looking desserts.  It doesn't hurt that Yukimura, whom I have grumbled about before, seems to have solved some of her problems with foreshortening and perspective in the artwork. I really love the sort of stark anguish on Asada's face, and the way his posture and body language conveys his mood. She's improved by leaps and bounds over the years.

A Love Song for the Miserable  may not be for everyone. It is (I keep saying it) a fairly miserable story.  Thankfully it all turns around (a bit) in the end. Maybe nothing will put a smile on the beautiful Asada's face? Maybe some people wear tragic quite well?

NC-17 or whatever, not a lot of graphic sex in this book. What's there is sweet and fairly modest, but I warn you anyway.

Constellations in my Palm--Manga

I've decided that I'd like to review some of my absolute favorite mangas. Be warned, most of them are yaoi (boy/boy) and most of them have at least one graphic-ish scene.




Among the manga I find myself re-reading the most is a single volume work (a one-shot) called Constellations in my Palm. The story is by Chisako Sakuragi and the art by (one of my favorites) Yukine Honami. For a single volume work it is rather hefty 246 pages...of some of the most angst-filled, tension-riddled, sweetly painful writing/art that I've encountered in a manga. I am not particularly prone to weeping at manga, unlike a certain Lady-Bard I know, so when I say that this manga has the ability to bring me to tears, it's no insignificant thing.

The story is told from the point of view of college student Mizuho Odaima. When Mizuho was a child his best friend was his younger cousin Enji, they spent every family function together, and all summer joined at the hip...they dreamed about their future lives and followed their interests in astronomy and the universe. Enji looked up to Mizuho with something akin to hero worship, but eight years ago in the aftermath of a childhood accident an embarassed Mizuho pulled away from Enji entirely. Mizuho reflects on the incident and decides that after the accident all traces of admiration Enji once had for him had been replaced with a new and upsetting awkwardness, "I somehow sensed that this change came from his disillusionment with me. The realization was so heartbreaking--and so embarassing--and because at the time I was mired in a morass of self-conciousness I began to avoid Enji." Although Enji tried to contact him several times after that, Mizuho, trying to save face and avoid that "disillusionment," ignored him.

The story begins with the arrival of Enji to the Odaima household. Enji is starting his first year at a college nearby to study...you can guess...astronomy, while Mizuho has given up on his dreams to become what he believes is a more ordinary path, as a business major. When Enji arrives Mizuho is confronted by someone who seems a stranger to him in many ways, but someone he desires to become close to again. The cold awkwardness between the two cousins is well-written and effective. They try to find some common ground in their lives, to become friends again, but both are bitter and regretful of their separation, and each fails to understand the other's feelings as they struggle with their own. They are each so painfully nostalgic and uncertain that it is heartbreaking. Mid-story line it is clear to the reader, although not to Mizuho who is still struggling to make sense of things, that Enji's awkwardness comes from an overwhelming mixture of love and feelings of abandonment rather than disappointment and disillusionment. Mizuho whose lack of self-confidence has lead him to give up on every one of his grander dreams cannot accept the truth of Enji's love for him and sees it as another form of ridicule rather than a confession. Their misunderstandings and trepidation of the characters is ridiculous in many ways (each suspects the other of harboring feelings for a third party), but makes sense when framed in their long-standing, shared history and the true feelings they have for one another.

ARGH! This shit is painful! It's sweet and tender and clueless and angsty and just...awesome! Each of these characters is so broken and oblivous that it kills me. And scenes like the one below are gut-wrenching in context.


Mizuho (blonde) currently cannot speak because he knows he will cry
and believes that if he does Enji (dark-hair)
will be further dissapointed in him for being weak.



































Why are those boys torturing themselves?

Thankfully, in the end, one of Mizuho's friends helps him pull his head out of his ass and convinces that sometimes things are actually worth trying for, and that his love for Enji is the one thing he shouldn't give up on. And Enji, who gets defensive when he's emotionally vulnerable, backs down when Mizuho bravely confronts him about his feelings while (finally) admitting his own.

Oh, it's so awkward on so many levels. But, then again, what wouldn't be slightly awkward about two male cousins harboring almost decade long infatuations with one another? Yeah, despite the (or perhaps even "because of the") skeeve-worthy taboo-ness of their relationship this is a manga that deals with some complex emotions and is well worth reading. I am impressed by the way it makes an art of awkwardness. The confusion and longing is palpable in these characters, and their breaking points (like the one pictured above) are tenderly squeeworthy. They're so fragile despite their defenses...le sigh. Star-crossed lovers...le sigh. For real.

Little Butterfly--Manga




The three volume Little Butterfly series by Hinako Takanaga is the kind of manga I read over and over again because of the complex emotional bonds that develop between the two main characters and the general beauty of the artwork and sentiment. Be warned, this is not for everyone: it is yaoi (boy/boy), it is about high-school seniors (kind of icky), and it does have a few scenes that border on graphic towards the end of the book. I would agree with the publisher's rating of 18+ for audiences, but want to stress that this is not (like many less mature or sophisticated yaoi manga) a story about trying to get someone into bed. There may be a sexual aspect to this book, but it takes a back seat to the (sometimes literally) painful sweetness of what I think is Takanaga's best work.

The story begins with a school trip during which the adorably airheaded Kojima takes it upon himself to befriend class outcast Nakahara. Kojima, after much effort, is able to crack through Nakahara's rather heavy defenses and the two begin a tenative friendship. As their friendship develops Kojima learns more about Nakahara's past and personality. Nakahara is both neglected and abused by his constantly fighting parents and has retreated inwardly because of his feelings of resentment and inadequecy. He has blocked off his heart, and it is not until he begins his friendship with Kojima that he allows himself to risk bonding with anyone at all.

Nakahara breaks my heart. He is a tragic and thoughtful character who finds in Kojima the kindness, sympathy and love that the world has denied him for so long. Kojima is a sweet ding-bat who sees the world and Nakahara as full of possibility. It is the belief that Kojima has in Nakahara that pulls him from darkness and gives him hope for some future. The relationship that develops between the two is one sided at first, with Nakahara revealing his feelings for Kojima during an intensely vulnerable moment (as he seeks comfort after an even more intense family fight). Kojima is slower to respond, taking time to consider his feelings and response before coming to the realization that he does, in fact, love Nakahara.

The tensions and emotional openness of the characters seem perhaps a bit more perfect than natural, but that does not detract from the genuine feeling these characters exude. A few stilted soliloquies and apt metaphors reveal interesting psychological and sociological views on love and friendship, self-respect and self-denial, and emotional risks.

This character-driven, semi-tragic manga is among my favorites of all time. And since I find myself re-reading it a few times a year it has been worth the purchase price for me. Honestly, moments like the one below have made it worth the purchase price for me. Now, the omnibus edition (all three volumes in one) is available for a ridiculously low price. It makes me want to buy it for other people.

Aw, Nakahara...you're killing me. Seriously. How painful is this panel? He's bruised and vulnerable and still so intensely honest that he can't keep from telling startled Kojima the truth. I just want to squee-ze them both. Good luck kids!