Ta-Ta Tuesday: The Haunted World of El Superbeasto (Anime?)

Ta-Ta Tuesday: The Haunted World of El Superbeasto
Written and Directed By: Rob Zombie
 Starz Media, 2009
Rating: MA (gore, sex, language, violence)

Luchadors! Bewbs! Paul Giamatti...what?!

Although this is an animated feature which is not necessarily an anime, I’m reviewing it anyway.

My brother (31 years old) put this on the tv (courtesy of Netflix) while my mom (61) and I (37) were sitting in the living room. In the first five minutes a masked wrestler, El Superbeasto, has a threesome with two pornstars and kills them mid-coitus when they are revealed to be a vampire and a werewolf. 

Here is my mother’s brief review: “Why are we watching cartoon porn? You shouldn’t be watching this with your sister and your mom. You’re gross.”

At this point she immediately vacated the living room to read Fifty Shades of Grey on the front porch without a hint of irony. When my sister (34) got home my mother announced, “They’re watching cartoon titties in there, be warned.” We weren’t. At that point I turned it off.

There are a LOT of cartoon titties in El Superbeasto…and they look weirdly like the old seventies style baby bottle nipples. They are also quite buoyant.  And they do tricks…they punch people. Titty punch! So if you like cartoon boobies, 9th grade jokes and you aren't super interested in a plot, then this is for you.

Plot: Dr. Satan has to mate with and marry a stripper named Velvet von Black marked with a 666 birthmark in order to obtain the “bubbly” power of hell. El Superbeasto, our hero who also happens to be a lucador, just wants to hump her.

Subplot: El Superbeasto’s Sister, Suzi X (voiced by Sheri Moon Zombie), and her horny robot/vehicle steal Hitler’s head before agreeing to assist El Superbeasto in saving Velvet…Suzi is being chased by Zombie Nazis, and her robot is a pervert.

Highlights: A tie between the song “Zombie Nazis Fucking With my Day Now” and “Why’d You Have to Rip-Off Carrie”

Cameos: Characters from House of 1,000 Corpses and The Devil’s Rejects, Paul Giamatti, and Harlan Williams (why?)

Lowpoint: A tie between an army of rats being expelled from a cartoon anus and a Bennie Hill  montage.  

Recommendation: Watch it if you’re bored or if you’re a fan of the comic (yes, it is a comic), but avoid watching it with your brother (no matter how old he is) and/or in front of your mom (no matter what she’s reading) because it can be uncomfortable.

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