Ta-Ta Tuesday: The Haunted World of El Superbeasto
Written and Directed By: Rob Zombie
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| Luchadors! Bewbs! Paul Giamatti...what?! |
Although this is an animated feature which is not
necessarily an anime, I’m reviewing it anyway.
My brother (31 years old) put this on the tv (courtesy of
Netflix) while my mom (61) and I (37) were sitting in the living room. In the
first five minutes a masked wrestler, El Superbeasto, has a threesome with two
pornstars and kills them mid-coitus when they are revealed to be a vampire and
a werewolf.
Here is my mother’s brief review: “Why are we watching
cartoon porn? You shouldn’t be watching this with your sister and your mom.
You’re gross.”
At this point she immediately vacated the living room to
read Fifty Shades of Grey on the front porch without a hint
of irony. When my sister (34) got home my mother announced, “They’re watching
cartoon titties in there, be warned.” We weren’t. At that point I turned it
off.
There are a LOT of cartoon titties in El
Superbeasto…and they look weirdly like the old seventies style baby
bottle nipples. They are also quite buoyant.
And they do tricks…they punch people. Titty punch! So if you like cartoon boobies, 9th grade jokes and you aren't super interested in a plot, then this is for you.
Plot: Dr. Satan has to mate with and marry a stripper named Velvet
von Black marked with a 666 birthmark in order to obtain the “bubbly” power of
hell. El Superbeasto, our hero who also happens to be a lucador, just wants to
hump her.
Subplot: El Superbeasto’s Sister, Suzi X (voiced by Sheri
Moon Zombie), and her horny robot/vehicle steal Hitler’s head before agreeing
to assist El Superbeasto in saving Velvet…Suzi is being chased by Zombie Nazis,
and her robot is a pervert.
Highlights: A tie between the song “Zombie Nazis Fucking
With my Day Now” and “Why’d You Have to Rip-Off Carrie”
Cameos: Characters from House of 1,000
Corpses and The Devil’s Rejects, Paul Giamatti,
and Harlan Williams (why?)
Lowpoint: A tie between an army of rats being expelled from
a cartoon anus and a Bennie Hill montage.
Recommendation: Watch it if
you’re bored or if you’re a fan of the comic (yes, it is a comic), but avoid
watching it with your brother (no matter how old he is) and/or in front of your
mom (no matter what she’s reading) because it can be uncomfortable.
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