Vampire Wars (CRAPPY anime)
Absofuckinglutely horrid. Some of the worst crap I have ever seen...and I'm not saying that lightly. Really. You know how some really, really bad things are so bad they're good? Well this isn't. This is just bad, so I will provide a list of reasons for you potential viewers who may stray across this atrocity on Syfy's "Animonday" or it's bastard love-child, "Chiller"
Reasons not to watch Vampire Wars"
1. What IS that animation style? Vampire wars is 1991, and yet if feels like 1984...Voltron-Style.
2. Ultra-violence, and not in a "wow, hahahah, look at that" way. Just bloody randomness...and a lot of GIANT caucasians.
3. If you like your vampires mixed with non-badassedness, and international espionage (sort-of) and a lame sub-plot about a famous actress (Am I remembering that right? Because I think I zoned out there in the middle.) then this is all for you.
4. Someone on Amazon.com said this was "sexy," and I have to wonder what they consider sexy...really. Vampires haven't been this neutered since they sparkled in a meadow and lectured high-school girls on the virtues of "saving it for marriage."
5. Even Anime News Network is confused about the plot. I thought it took place in Paris, and they claim it takes place in the Rural American West (is that a place?). And yet it begins with a French secret service agent found face-down (and appropriately drained of blood) in the Seine. I'm confused.
6. This OVA is based on a series of ELEVEN (that's right) novels of the same name written by Kiyoshi Kasai (according to Wikipedia...which is (ahem) always entirely accurate). I hope this isn't true. Or, I hope that the anime is the travesty I feel it might be.
7. I don't even remember how it ended. Go read some Anne Rice (I recommend
Memnoch the Devil) then bask in the warm glow of how terrible/lovely vampires used to be.